Darrell Anthony Gautt, Sr.
Photograph of Darrell Anthony Gautt Sr, on the cover of his memorial program.
Memorial for Darrell Gautt
By Warren Corley
I write this for the voice-less. If you were held hostage in San Quentin during March 2020 and on-going presently in 2021, whether you are deceased or alive then I call you brother in our struggle to survive. To the powers that be we are expendable, my brothers all we got is us! Because there are 45 cells to a tier, 90 over crowded men living in constant fear of contracting this evil, this plan that you can’t get away from. Five tiers on one side and five tiers on the opposite side of a geometrical block. A block of steel & concrete that is a testament to darkness. A heavy block we feel the weight of. The weight of former and future atrocities, the weight of lies & hypocrisies, performed with virtuosity. The heavy depression of 900 men, packed within. So we inside the spirit to Transcend, because our physical reality was kicking our ass.
Mr. Darrell Gautt was my dear friend and fellow servant of Father Yahweh. I met him when I was a fool in New Folsom, and only less of a fool in CMC where we would cordially speak as we ran the track each morning. He was a man of obedience and courage from & for the most high, so we were only cordial acquaintances. But slowly our nods on the track turned into a mutual respect & trust. The brother helped me a lot. Dealing with a 42 to life sentence in a less destructive fashion. Years later I experienced a change in my life, and was touched by the same Spirit from the almighty that changed him. He knew it as soon as he looked at me.
So to everyone outside you can look at us or look away, but either way, we still remain. To you that may sound vain, but we have buried inclement weather that’s insane, with the forecast of more pain on the doppler radar. We are held captive in a foul location with no hope in sight from afar. Forcefully given a disease that left a biological scar that may never heal. You ask us how we feel? That literally this virus was a devious gift we were forced to accept at gunpoint. Gift wrapped on a box of greed, containing a sinister seed, that knocked us down and took our last breath. But to those of us left look at what’s left.
Truly my friend Darrell was a man of courage because for years he lived with stage 4 cancer with very few people who knew it. He never complained but always had a smile of encouragement. I found out he lived for 25 years with cancer here in west block last year. I would visit him daily and walk away encouraged before finding out one day that all these years he had cancer. When he told me I was blown away, and he became upset at my show of pity. He didn’t want it, and I never came at him that way again. One day I went on the 2nd tier to visit him. He had recently contracted Covid, and his immune system was already compromised by the cancer. I didn’t expect him to look well because of his radiation treatment. He was sitting on his crate when I spoke to him. He put his Bible down but never spoke back. He just took off his glasses and looked deeply into me. So I repeated, “Whas up Ole Head? How you doing?” He just smiled & looked deeper at my eyes with one hell of a twinkle in his eyes and slowly shook his head and raised his hand to his throat with his fingers moving in the opposite direction. That classic sign for Negative Son game over. Never saying a word but that twinkle & smile remained. I just dropped my head fighting back my tears. But I lost that fight as I strolled down the tier. He died the way he lived, with courage, joy, and giving people whatever was needed. My highest Complement for Dee is Brother I desire to exit this life like you, and I promise to live my life with that smile + twinkle from your eye. Darrell Gautt left me Hope + Joy!
So in hindsight it’s only right, that we look in the correct direction, & place a third eye upon this infection that’s had us in darkness. But in darkness our light shines brighter. Yes, look at us or look away. You can even think words that you refuse to say. But we remain & grow in the midst of pain. From a seed germinated in the greed of $70,000 dollas a head. We could grow bitter, but we grow righteous instead.